The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
