i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
