I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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