Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
