thus making me awesome and them whores
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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