just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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