I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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