fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
