I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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