We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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