Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
