woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
