dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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