new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
