I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
