I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
