So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
