She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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