Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
