This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
