chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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