grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
