I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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