it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
