I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
