I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
