Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
