you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
