Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
