Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
