k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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