Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
