its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
