Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I believe in your delicious
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize