I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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