There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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