I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
