I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
