It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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