she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
