If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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