Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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