when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
