i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
