I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
