our cab driver is having phone sex.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
