i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
