I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
