eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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