i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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