Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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