You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
