Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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