I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
