How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
