Only a mothe r could love this liver
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
