she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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