hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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