One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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