why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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