my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Holy sore nipples Batman
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
