i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
