Sponge bath it is.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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