i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
