is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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