Four minutes until I can fart!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
