I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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