what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
