I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
