I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
