In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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