After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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