i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
