Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita

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(419): View more from Ohio

His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.

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(408): View more from California

Dude, that was like bongs ago.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit

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(360): View more from Washington

Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.

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