I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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